Don't Fall In Love With A "Loser"

Love can be so darn predictable.  In the early stages of a relationship, we often idealize our partner.  We project onto them qualities we that we want, imagine, and need.  The relationship mood can suddenly change from "blissed"  to "pissed"  when you start to encounter your differences.  Taken the time to really get to know your partner, before you commit and get attached, or the person that you thought was the "answer" can become a heartbreaking problem.

How often does our judgment get blurry in matters of the heart?  Do you have a pattern of picking the wrong people?  Do you know what qualities are important and necessary for relationship success?

Here is the Guru for Two "Shopping List" for Relationship Success:

#1 - Personality compatibility

Compatibility in personality does not have to equal sameness.  As a matter of fact, choosing someone that is too much like yourself can be, shall I say, a little bit boring.  Opposite personality types attract to one another all of the time.  Compatibility is about finding someone you can accept, someone you can get close to, and someone who encourages your growth - without a lot of drama and heartache.

#2 - Similar Values, Dreams, and Relationship Purpose 

Its good to talk about this stuff and understand it way before you get in too deep...emotionally speaking.  It is delusional to believe you have the power to change your partner.  Save your energy and spend it elsewhere.

#3 - Similar  Lifestyle Expectations

Where do you want to live?  How do you want to live? What kind of hobbies and recreation do you enjoy?  How much saving and spending do you want to have going on?  What about ideas about holidays, kids, in-laws?  Save yourself a lot of frustration and find someone who is in sync in these matters.

#4 - Emotional Intelligence Skills

• emotional stability
• communication openness
• good listening skills
• trustworthiness - words and actions match up

These skills you can learn but they are truly necessary for long term relationship success.  Without these skills, your relationship will not be able to deepen, expand, and mature.

#5 - Someone with a conscience

Not everyone has the capacity for self examination.  This is the quality  that enables one to learn from their mistakes, take responsibility, feel empathy, and evolve as a human being.  Clearly, you want a partner who is open to growth.

#6 - Passion

Passion is necessary for long term happiness.  Too many marriages break up for "soft reasons," namely boredom and emotional disconnection.  Passion is not just about sex.  Passion is about feeling energized around your partner.  We all need "safe" but we also crave excitement and challenge.  Make sure passion is an element in the beginning of your courtship because it is next to near impossible to manufacture passion in a later stage.

When you  are making relationship choices, make sure your emotions and your reasoning mind are working  together.  When your head and heart are in sync, you will probably not go wrong.