The Truth In Relationships Act

I am not going to lobby Congress.

I am not going to demand an amendment to the Constitution.

But, I am starting a campaign here and now for the "Truth in Relationships Act," whereby everyone who ever talks about relationships must include this warning:

"THIS RELATIONSHIP WILL COME WITH CONFLICT!"

I am deadly serious about this.

I've had it with people who say that the way to a happy relationship is to eliminate the conflict.

I've had it with TV ads for dating services that show a deliriously happy couple scientifically matched to make sure they are so compatible that they seemingly will always have that happy smile pasted across their faces (when those faces aren't obscured by a passionate lip-lock).

I am a trained marriage therapist who has watched couple after couple come through my door thinking their relationship is at an end because -- oh my god! -- they don't agree on everything.

Had they operated under my "Truth in Relationships" act, this conflict would not have come as a surprise to them. They would have expected it and acted accordingly.

Instead, their relationship is actually in peril at this point because their inability to accept the inevitable conflict that arises from the pairing of two distinctively different people has pushed them so far away from each other that they will have to struggle to get back in synch.

Couples don't get stuck because of conflict. Couples get stuck because they don't know what to do with the conflict that will come in their relationships as sure as the sun rises in the East and sets in the West.

My goal in all my couples therapy is to ensure that my clients have every opportunity to stay in their committed relationship and learn the power, joy and freedom that comes with truly sharing a life with the one you love.

And, this idea that conflict is robbing them of this power, joy and freedom is pure bunk!

When expected and handled correctly, it's the conflict that puts the juice in a relationship. It's conflict that gives a relationship the opportunity to be deep and abiding.

Thinking every day of a relationship is going to be about great chemisty is not just misleading -- it's downright dangerous to relationships.

Here's the true chemistry of a relationship. One partner is oil. The other partner is water. You can put them together but they will never compeltely mix.

Instead, couples need to embrace their differences and learn to understand their partner so that they too can be understood.

Then, when conflict arises, it's simply accepted as the natural friction that is caused by one personality rubbing against another and not seen as the signal that the end is near for the relationship.

Can you imagine a relationship where you are understood, where who you are is accepted and honored, where two become one to seek common solutions that make their lives better -- together and separately?

That's the kind of relationship you can have when you accept conflict as a natural and necessary part of being in relationship.

If you really care about true love. If you really value relationships as the best way to get the most out of life. If you want to live your relationship honestly and authentically. Then join me in a campaign for "Truth in Relationships."

Visit my website at www.gurufortwo.com. Take the free compatibility test. Find out where the diferences lie in your relationship. Accept them. Learn from them. Grow.

Embracing conflict instead of trying to erase it will save more relationships than anything else we can do.