Love Is Always Having Someone To Blame

Love is always having someone to blame
Love's fantasies, meet reality, and we feel disdain.
We use anger as a cover; to hide our fear to trust each other.
I doubt you care, so I yank your hair,
You put up a wall, I push and you fall...

Once in a hot and winded fight,
Two lovers hissed, then stopped and kissed,
And said "We must change"
They learned to hear, each other's fear, to soothe each other's pain
Connected a "WE" sure beats “YOU verses ME!”

Have you ever noticed that it is so much easier to blame your partner than to acknowledge your own feelings of fear and inadequacy? YOU are making ME feel bad.

Many couples get caught up in endless rounds of The Blame Game without having a clue that their attachment needs and anxieties are really driving the fight. Can I depend on you? Do you really love me? Will you accept me for who I am?

It is important to learn how to differentiate primary feelings from secondary feelings. Primary feelings are your vulnerable feelings, secondary feeling are your reactions to your primary feelings usually more protective, like anger and blame.

Next time you try to talk to your partner remember that anger is really just a cover for more vulnerable feelings. Try to reveal your softer feelings, they will pull for a much empathic response from your partner.