Marital distress always starts with a single thought – my partner is my problem.
Can it be this simple? I really think it can.
Sure, complications build up over time, but the avalanche of conflict that buries so many relationships really starts with this one thought – You are My Problem.
All of the anger and the blaming and the defensiveness and withdrawal that are so common in relationship conflict stems from deciding that your partner is your problem.
Once you believe your partner is the problem, your perception of your partner starts to change – from your beloved to your adversary.
Since what you focus on expands, you stop seeing your partner as who they really are. Your judgment of them creates a shadow in your perception.
That shadow doesn’t just block what you see in your partner, it blocks the love that could pull you toward your partner.
When you see your partner as the problem, there’s really only one course of action you can take… you have to get your partner to change.
In reality, when you stop trying to change your partner your relationship has a chance to change – for the better – because your connection can stay strong through all of your differences.
About Rhonda Audia, MSW
- Rhonda Audia, MSW
- The road to relationship success can be difficult to navigate. There are four relationship stages to be mastered and conflict is a normal and necessary part of this process. Rhonda Audia, a.k.a. The Guru for Two, can enlighten your travels with wit, insight, and practical advice. She has over 20 years experience helping people achieve relationship success. Her physical counseling practice is located in Tampa, Florida. She also provides education and counseling on the phone, email, and Skype.
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