Marital distress is not about conflict but about broken emotional connection between partners.
Broken connections between a couple starts with a single thought - "YOU are the problem."
When couples are confronted with external stress or internal conflict, the minute they shift from "We have a problem" to "You are the problem," things go haywire.
We start judging our partner more and liking our partner less.
We start pushing our partner for change, instead of pulling our partner closer to understand.
We start turning away from our partner instead of turning towards our partner to reveal our deepest needs.
In order to repair broken connections, I help couples become more conscious, more mindful, of what they are thinking, feeling and doing in order to resolve their conflict. Accept, Attune, Affirm
When we are embroiled in conflict sometimes our fear of rejection and inadequacy is so great that we are blinded by the "shadows" of our fear and stop seeing our partner for who he really is and why we fell in love with them to begin with.
When you mindfully work on ACCEPT skills you become more flexible with your expectations and judgements. Maybe we are not always right and dont have all the answers about how things should and should not be! The goal is to restore the needed balance so that the things you like about your partner are 5x greater than your judgements and disappointments.
When you mindfully work on ATTUNE skills you consciously re-open your heart, embracing your mutual vulnerability and soothing the fear that you and your partner both feel. Through this practice you can restore a healthy emotional balance so that you feel love and affection for your partner 5x more than you feel anger and fear.
When you deliberately choose to act in ways that puts the connection first, you learn how to choose the "WE" instead of the "YOU verses ME". AFFIRM skills enable you to be more mindful of when you can turn towards rather than away from you partner.
Remember, you chose your partner for a reason. Dont let conflict temporarily blind you. The love that you once had is still there...piled under a mountain of shoulds. Accept, Attune, and Affirm skills can help you restore your temporarily broken connection.
About Rhonda Audia, MSW
- Rhonda Audia, MSW
- The road to relationship success can be difficult to navigate. There are four relationship stages to be mastered and conflict is a normal and necessary part of this process. Rhonda Audia, a.k.a. The Guru for Two, can enlighten your travels with wit, insight, and practical advice. She has over 20 years experience helping people achieve relationship success. Her physical counseling practice is located in Tampa, Florida. She also provides education and counseling on the phone, email, and Skype.
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