Conflict as an opportunity?

Conflict is unpleasant, no doubt about it.

But maybe conflict can be an opportunity to enhance your mutual understanding?

You must approach conflict with the right mindset:

Conflict is normal, because differences are natural.
Conflict can reveal very legitimate requests and needs.
Conflict can be an opportunity to deepen mutual understanding.
Conflict can be an opportunity to expand the relationship, to make room for BOTH partners needs to feel loved and fulfilled.

When conflict rears its "scarey head," there are a few questions you can think about that will steer you away from the rocks of disconnection and towards new and deeper levels of relating.

When there is a conflict situation, ask yourself the following questions:
1) How can we do this differently so that we both feel seen, heard, and moved by one another?
2) Try to remember, "What are the things I love about him/her?"
3) How can we best communicate without blame and defensiveness??
5) When are we at our best as a couple?
6) How do we bring out the best in each other? How might we do this even under stress?

These questions will help you generate solutions rather than get bogged down with problems. These questions will help you focus on personal and relationship strengths not deficits. These questions will help you focus on what works instead of what doesn't work.