Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Dear Guru,

Hello, I'm 27 and my girlfriend of 3 years dumped me about 3 weeks ago and I wandering if you could help me. I know your good with relationships and this is just really messed up and I just need help.

Mark


Dear Mark,

Break-ups can be frightening, sad, and traumatic. However, an ending can also become a BEGINNING. You can take the painful situation of a break-up and turn it into an opportunity to learn from your experience and steer your life towards POSITIVE CHANGE!

I think there are two categories of loss in a break-up situation. There is the loss of the person you were attached to emotionally. But there is also the loss involving your wounded pride and self esteem, particularly if you are not the "dumper" but the "dumpee."

Making peace with a loss takes time. It helps to have theraputic support through the various stages rather trying to do it all by yourself. For example, there are cognitive strategies you can learn so that you can stop obsessing and clear your mind. There are various techniques for soothing and managing unpleasant emotions.

In therapy, you would be encouraged to ask important questions - "What did this experience teach me about myself" What is working and not working in my life? What am I holding onto that I want to let go of? What am I avoiding?

Finally, in counseling you can learn many creative strategies to take care of your self and get your life back on track.

In sum, counseling can help you rediscover hope and find the opportunity in the change.

Hope this helps,

Guru For Two