What Did I Ever See In You?

He or she is the perfect person for you. You know it from the day you meet.

What you are lacking, they seem to have. What they are lacking, you seem to have. It's a match made in heaven.

And, what's so special about this relationship is that you just never seem to disagree. You are so different yet, those differences just don't seem to matter.

In fact, those differences are downright attractive.

Wow, he's so comfortable in public -- a real people person. Yet, when we are alone, it's like I'm the only person on earth.

She really has her act together. She doesn't need me or anybody else. But, when we are alone, she's so vulnerable and real.

Yep, these two are in love all right. But they are about to have a rude awakening.

I can't tell you when, exactly. It could be two months into the relationship, it could be two years, but at some point these two are going to wake up one morning and wonder, "What did I Ever See In You?"

O-k, it may not be that strong, but unless you're ready for it, that's where just about every relationship is headed once the honeymoon phase is over.

Ready for what? Well, ready for you to see things as they are.

And, at first glance, it really seems like that person you thought was the answer to your relationship issues is now the problem.

Yes, he's a real people person -- and he's just a bit on the self-absorbed side. And, it's beginning to annoy the heck out of you because he's more concerned with his personal image than the little things that make the world run -- like balancing the checkbook or planning the budget or mowing the lawn.

There's no doubt that she has her act together. And, you'd better have your act together, too, because this woman's life is built around handling the details. And it's really getting on your nerves because there's not a day goes by where you haven't missed some detail that apparently is a lot more important than you ever realized.

That person you never disagreed with is now become the most disagreeable person you've ever been with.

But, is that true?

Of course not. That person is merely different from you and now that you've taken off the rose colored glasses of romantic love, those differences are feeding the flames of conflict.

And, everybody knows conflict is bad so you must have been blind to see this annoying person as your soulmate.

Whether it's two years into a relationship or ten years, a lot of couples who walk through my door for counseling are stuck in this position.

They know they love the person they are with but the conflict generated by their differences make them feel like they have made some sort of horrible mistake.

But, the only mistake they've made is to think that the relationship they've dreamed of is going to be conflict free. It's not.

In fact, what you saw in this person when you first fell in love... what seems to be generating so much conflict now... is quite possibly the answer to all the questions you've had about your insecurities and fears in your life.

You see, that person who seems so annoying now is a gift of self-discovery -- if you're wiling to open it.

Listen to what that person has to say. Find out why they act the way they do. Understand why that REALLY annoys you instead of just being annoyed. Does it have anything to do with a past hurt, a past fear, a past insecurity? Can understanding that help heal you and help you accept and validate your partner -- just as they are?

You bet it can! In fact, if you can begin to see your partner's differences as the key to a deeper understanding of yourself -- well -- you'll discover that what you saw in that person -- is everything you've ever been looking for.