Washington Needs Relationship Counseling

Watching the debate over raising the debt ceiling and seeing the consequences – the lowered credit rating for the United States – the thought struck me that was Congress and the White House really need is relationship counseling.

This gridlock we’ve just witnessed is exactly like the case of a couple in distress because of an inability to use conflict to advance – instead of cripple – the relationship.

Conflict isn’t about winning or losing. Conflict exists to reveal the true emotional needs of each party in a relationship. When you know what each party is really concerned about and really needs, then you can come up with a plan that will satisfy and even empower both.

So how could the President and Congress have handled the most recent debate more productively?

Well, they could have done a lot more listening and a lot less talking. I see this all the time in counseling couples. They’re trapped in a blame game. They never talk about what they really need. They are too busy blaming the other person for what they don’t have. Distressed relationships don’t begin to heal when each party gets their way. They start to heal when each party feels they are being heard!

What people don’t understand is the power of conflict. Using conflict to reveal and understand – whether you are a couple or a government – can actually make you more powerful than you would be on your own. Instead, people get stuck in fake fights – the whole blame game – and either live lives of quiet desperation or break up. It’s such a waste.”

Relationship is one of the most powerful forces on the planet and conflict is an essential part of relationship growth. Everybody – couples, business people and, yes, even the government desperately needs to learn this.