We don't have relationship problems because our love is too weak. No, we have relationship problems because out fear is so strong!
Once we we fall in love, we have an emotional bond. And with that comes the FEAR.
"Can I depend on you? Will you be there for me? Can I make you happy? Or, will you leave me?
And that leads to some communication problems that are real monsters!
The basic communication problem for couples is the lack of awareness and the lack of skill to express needs for comfort and reassurance.
Many couples don't feel and then reveal their vulnerability. They more likely will suppress their feelings and start blaming their partners.
Sound familiar. You feel insecure and instead of talking about what you are really feeling you start picking at your partner. You don't talk about your insecurity, you talk about what they're doing wrong. This is how two anxious partners will end up in a "fake fight" and the monster in them comes out.
It's Godzilla vs. The Zombie!
Godzilla is the Protestor
P ushy
I ntense
S colding
S trident
E mphatic
D emanding
The Zombie is the Withholder
P assive
I ndifferent , numb
S neaky
S ullen
E vasive
D etached
Protesting, "Godzilla types" can breath fire when they want a reaction from their partner. But Zombie types" can deaden themselves emotionally to withstand the threatening heat. Godzilla verses the Zombie - they could fight for years and years and no one wins. It's a dead heat!
To subdue these relationship monsters, couples must learn to communicate what they are really feeling and make conflict work for them. Conflict does not mean your bond is failing.
On the contrary, conflict is a signal that the bond wants to "plant" deeper "roots."
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